How often have you been in a situation where someone with the best intentions asks, “What should I do with this?” It might seem like a small, innocent question, but to the overwhelmed person on the receiving end, it’s just another task to handle. This dynamic is surprisingly common, and it’s time we recognize it for what it is: a well-meaning but counterproductive approach to helping. So why does this happen, and how can we genuinely help instead of inadvertently adding to someone else’s workload?
When Good Intentions Backfire
When you ask, “What should I do with this?” you’re likely trying to involve the other person in the decision-making process. However, what it actually does is shift the responsibility back onto them. Instead of reducing their mental load, you’ve just added another decision to their already crowded plate. And it doesn’t matter if it’s about the next dinner or the strategy for next year. It’s now there adding the load, and in essence, you’ve transformed your desire to assist into an additional task for them. This issue is especially frustrating when the person you’re trying to help is already juggling multiple responsibilities. They now have to pause what they’re doing, assess the situation you’ve presented, make a decision, and communicate it back to you. All this could have been avoided if you had taken the initiative to handle the task yourself.
Oops, Did I Just Delegate That?
You coming in with your innocent question actually interrupts focus, breaks someone’s concentration, and reduces their productivity. It’s also a form of disguised delegation. While it seems like you’re asking for guidance, you’re effectively delegating the decision-making back to the person you’re trying to help. Moreover, it doesn’t constitute real support. True support means lightening the load, not adding to it.
“How Can I Help?” Still Has Its Quirks
The question “How can I help you?” is generally better than “What should I do with this?” but it still has limitations depending on the situation. While it expresses a willingness to assist, it can still sometimes shift the burden of figuring out how to delegate or explain a task to the other person. So, instead of just asking, “How can I help?” try offering specific ways to assist.
Be the Hero, Not the Question Machine
If you genuinely want to help, focus on taking initiative and providing solutions instead of posing questions. Before asking, take a moment to evaluate the situation and make an educated guess about what needs to be done. If you’re unsure, propose a clear solution alongside your question. For example, instead of asking, “What should I do with this?” you could say, “I’m thinking of organizing this into X and Y. Does that work for you?” Assume responsibility for the task as much as possible and try to figure out any uncertainties independently before involving the other person. But also understand when you need to involve the other person. No one should do something someone has already done!
Helping: It’s Not About You
The key to truly helping lies in empathy and proactivity. Recognize that the person you’re assisting might already be stretched thin. By stepping up and making thoughtful decisions, you’re not just helping with the task at hand—you’re showing that you value their time and mental energy.
Next time you find yourself about to ask, “What should I do with this?” stop and think: Is this really helping, or am I just offloading a decision? You can turn your well-meaning intentions into meaningful support by reframing your approach to focus on initiative and solutions. Helping isn’t about asking—it’s about doing.