We hear it in leadership training, company offsites, DEI workshops: “Create a psychologically safe space.” It’s become a mantra for modern workplaces and communities. But what if we’ve been aiming at the wrong target? What if psychological safety isn’t something you create like a room you build, but something you are? I’m ready to challenge the assumption. I say psychological safety isn’t a policy. It’s a person.
Safe Space ≠ Safe People
Yes, agreements are important. Setting ground rules like “assume good intent,” “don’t interrupt,” or “speak from the ‘I'” can guide our behavior. However, agreements are external scaffolding. They’re helpful, but they’re not the structure. They won’t hold if the people within the space aren’t grounded in their personal psychological safety.
So, you can have all the correct agreements and still be in a room full of guarded, reactive, or fearful people. You can say, “This is a safe space,” and still feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Why? Because safety doesn’t come from what’s written on the wall. It comes from the nervous systems of the people in the room.
What’s the nervous system gotta do with psychological safety?
A few weeks back, I tried to explain my way of thinking to Barbara Tint but didn’t find the explanation I would have been satisfied with, so I did some digging and found a way to explain what I was after. (it only took a month or so ;-))
Our nervous system plays a massive role in how we perceive and react to our environment, including how safe we feel in social situations. The nervous system governs the body’s response to stress, fear, and safety. When we feel safe, our nervous system is calm, and we can think clearly, engage authentically, and connect with others. On the other hand, if we feel threatened or uncomfortable, our nervous system can trigger a fight-or-flight response, leading us to become defensive, shut down, or distance ourselves from others.
So, psychological safety literally comes from how people feel in a space. If everyone in the room feels safe and their nervous systems are calm and open, the space will naturally feel safer, regardless of policies or external “rules.” For me, this is a reminder that emotional safety is a lived, bodily experience, not just an abstract concept. And a reminder that psychological safety is indeed, about the person, not a space.
You Bring the Space With You
Ever been around someone who just feels safe to be around? Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re regulated, honest, present, and curious? They listen without fixing. They speak with clarity. They admit mistakes. They’re not looking to win or dominate. They’re just… solid.
That’s what, for me, means being psychologically safe. It’s not just about how you treat others; it’s about your relationship with your fears, ego, and defensiveness. It’s about how quickly you can come back to your center. It’s about your capacity to be uncomfortable without shutting down or lashing out. When you are psychologically safe, you invite others to be the same. You model what it looks like. You bring the safety with you.
Being Authentic and Aware Makes You Safe to Be Around
Psychological safety isn’t about pretending to be calm or kind. It’s about being real with yourself. When you’re authentic and self-aware, you recognize your triggers. You notice when fear of being wrong or disliked starts driving your behavior. Instead of reacting, you can pause, reflect, and respond with clarity.
Have you noticed how some people are more attuned to nervous system shifts? They can sense tension even when it’s unspoken. This sensitivity makes them more aware when safety is missing or others are uncomfortable. The good news is you can build this awareness. It starts with tuning into your own body and learning to read others with curiosity and care.
Authenticity builds trust. Self-awareness builds resilience.´Together, they make you someone others feel safe around because you’re safe with yourself. And people can feel that. The more honest you are about what you feel, value, and need, the more grounded and clear you become. No mask. No role. Just you. And that’s powerful.
So What Does It Look Like?
Being a psychologically safe person might look like:
- Saying “I don’t know” without shame.
- Receiving feedback without spiraling or blaming.
- Asking questions instead of making assumptions.
- Apologizing when you realize you hurt someone, even if it wasn’t intentional.
- Speaking up even when your voice shakes, because honesty matters more than image.
- Noticing when your nervous system is activated, and taking care of it.
- Practicing self-compassion, so you don’t have to offload your pain onto others.
And remember, it’s an ongoing practice, not a checkbox.
The Real Shi(f)t
I would call the move from making safe spaces to being safe people subtle but revolutionary. It’s not about waiting for the right environment but cultivating the right inner environment. The shift isn’t flashy. It won’t trend on LinkedIn. But I believe it’s the shift that matters. From external rules to internal integrity. From managing others to understanding ourselves and then others.
You don’t need a title to lead like that. Anyone can feel safe. You just need presence, honesty, and a willingness to do your work. Soon, you notice that the environment changes. Cultures change. But not because we engineered it. Because we became it.
